Oh my fucking god. This has to be the greatest fucking story I have ever heard.

LONDON, England (CNN) — A British couple who married in a lavish Second Life wedding ceremony are to divorce after one of them had an alleged “affair” in the online world.

 

 Amy Taylor, 28, said she had caught husband David Pollard, 40, having sex with an animated woman. The couple, who met in an Internet chatroom in 2003, are now separated.

“I went mad — I was so hurt. I just couldn’t believe what he’d done,” Taylor told the Western Morning News. “It may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over.”

Second Life allows users to create alter egos known as “avatars” and interact with other players, forming relationships, holding down jobs and trading products and services for a virtual currency convertible into real life dollars. iReport.com: Share your stories from Second Life

Taylor said she had caught Pollard’s avatar having sex with a virtual prostitute: “I looked at the computer screen and could see his character having sex with a female character. It’s cheating as far as I’m concerned.”

 

 The couple’s real-life wedding in 2005 was eclipsed by a fairy tale ceremony held within Second Life.

But Taylor told the Western Morning News she had subsequently hired an online private detective to track his activities: “He never did anything in real life, but I had my suspicions about what he was doing in Second Life.” iReport.com: Anger in a virtual world

Pollard admitted having an online relationship with a “girl in America” but denied wrongdoing. “We weren’t even having cyber sex or anything like that, we were just chatting and hanging out together,” he told the Western Morning News.

Taylor is now in a new relationship with a man she met in the online roleplaying game World of Warcraft.

I thought long and hard about exactly what I wanted to say regarding this story. I decided that nothing could capture the moment like snapshot of an IM exchange with the friend who linked me the photo.

 

Anthony says (5:35 PM):http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/11/14/second.life.divorce/index.html

Anthony says (5:35 PM):did I show you that?

Trey   says (5:35 PM):i figured what the fuck so i RAF’ed myself to level

Anthony says (5:35 PM):you really need to read it

Trey   says (5:35 PM):Amy Taylor, 28, said she had caught husband David Pollard, 40, having sex with an animated woman. The couple, who met in an Internet chatroom in 2003, are now separated.

Trey   says (5:36 PM):that just about sums it up

Anthony says (5:36 PM):read the last line

Trey   says (5:36 PM):ROFL!

Anthony says (5:37 PM):http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/11/14/article-1085412-02784D43000005DC-964_224×423.jpg

Anthony says (5:37 PM):there’s a pic ———->

Trey   says (5:37 PM):ami gnna be scared?

Anthony says (5:37 PM):she’s not attractive, but not grossly obese

Trey   says (5:38 PM):that can’t be her. they said she was 28 and this pic looks like it was taken in 1977

Anthony says (5:39 PM):oh, nm.  Apparently thats the online hooker he was banging in game

Trey   says (5:39 PM):I bet she does a mean Cosplay.

Trey   says (5:39 PM):hahahha

Trey   says (5:39 PM):wtf?

Trey   says (5:39 PM):this is the weirdest conversation i’ve ever had.

Anthony says (5:40 PM):a question someone on FOFC asked in the thread

Anthony says (5:40 PM):am I the last person on the planet who jerks off to porn?

In summary: What the fuck? Ha.

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I proudly present to you the Top 6 Reasons Why - No Matter How Hard You Try I Will Not Have Sex With You Ms. Gas Station Cashier.

1. I come to this gas station every day my for daily fix of taurine and nicotine. Say we were to bump uglies, that would mean by the laws of Seinfeld that I would be obligated to chit chat with you each time I came in.  Hell, that’s one of the reasons I don’t have sex with the permanently premenstrual psychopath wife.

2. Not matter how big the breasts are, no matter how gadunk-a-dunk the booty, the face still matters. And I’m sorry, I don’t have a fetish for anorexic Wizard of Oz munchkins….or umpaloompa’s for that matter. It’s just a rumor.

3. What the fuck is with the new scabs all over the arms each day?!

4. I know its Texas. I know its August. I know its hot. But does the gas station have to smell like a fry cook at Long John Silvers EVERY day?

5. It’s inevitable. You will develop an obsession with me. Moobs (man boobs for the uninformed), birthing hips, no ass and a belly button deeper than the Mariana’s Trench will be too much for you to resist.

6. Probably the most important reason is: I’m lazy. As one of my good friends once said:

Masturbation is better than sex. It’s less work and more rewarding.

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Seriously. The conception of my second daughter was brought about by none other than The Lord Jesus Christ himself. Here is the incredible true story of how my wife was impregnated thanks to Jesus.

My wife’s brother came to live with us when my first daughter was about 2 years old. Both my wife and I were still in the Air Force. At the time we were working the mids shift which was 10:30 pm until 06:30 am (2230-0630 for the military type). Needless to say that working those hours and trying to take care of a 2 year old was not easy. My brother-in-law agreed to live with us and to take care of our daughter while we were at work.

The first weekend my brother-in-law was at our house my wife and I took the opportunity go out on a date of sorts. This was around the time that Mel Gibson’s “Passion Of The Christ” was released (Yes I am an atheist but I love history and language). We decided upon going out to eat and then viewing the 8:30pm showing. We arrived at the movies theater after dinner only to find out that the 8:30pm showing was sold out. My wife bought two tickets to the 10:30pm showing.

We walked back to our car and talked about what we wanted to do to kill two hours. It was decided to head to a cheap motel, buy some porn, and have raunchy, sweaty, skin flappin animal sex. I’m not sure what it is, but there is something about humping in a hotel that brings out the ‘82 Camaro, wife beater wearing redneck in me. We cleaned up after ninety minutes of low budget underground Internet mating and headed back to the theater to see “Passion Of The Christ” still smelling like sex.

It wasn’t very long afterwards that my wife missed her period and we found out she was pregnant with our second child. It was all made possible by the Lord Jesus Christ…but not in the way its usually attributed to him. So here’s to you mister water walking bread making wine brewing historical figure, cuz when your movie is sold out, stanky hotel screwing ensues.

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